A Broad In Costa Rica

Extraños en la Noche

Extraños en la Noche [x-STRAH-nyohs in lah KNOW-chay] is Strangers in the Night in Spanish. Go ahead, try it... couple of extra syllables, but works pretty well. It's one of the songs The Vargas Brothers, er, Los Hermanos Vargas performed Friday night at J.R. Ribs. That was a fun night!!! Extraño, muy extraño... but fun.

Last week, just before Christmas, I saw an ad in a Costa Rica online forum. Seems a band was looking for a female country singer. That would be me. I'll sing anything, but country, bluegrass? Now that's real music.

So I called the guy, Peter. (Guess what? He's a geezer.) We decide I'll come to his house and sing a few bars. Last Friday morning, I did, we hit it off. He tells me Blue Desert - that's the band's name - has a gig that night at J.R.'s. So I put on eye-makeup, big earrings and show up, not really knowing what to expect.

It was an unusual night... altered-state unusual. First off, Peter is Dutch. Not that there's anything wrong with that. His last name is van Zijll de Jong. I can't even say it. Thank goodness he emailed it to me or I could never have spelled it. Try sounding that out. The other main guy is Fred who is also Dutch. I don't know Fred's last name, but I won't be able to say it so what difference does it make?

We get to J.R.s and there are about 10 people there, but it's only 7pm on a Friday. Turns out all 10 are with Peter and Fred. They are all Dutch, too. Half of them are Fred's family, visiting him and his wife, Aunk (it's pronounced just like you think), for the holidays; the other half live in Costa Rica. The half that lives here speaks fluent Spanish. Everyone speaks fluent English. What happened to U.S. schooling that we only learn one language (barely) and are so completely uppity about it?

And does this crowd speak English when they get together? Of course not. They speak Dutch. And they are just going on and on. Have you ever heard Dutch? It's foreign. Like German only way more musical, thank goodness. I have no idea what they are talking about, but I don't feel left out. It is fascinating and everyone is just lovely.

Turns out, Blue Desert is sharing the gig with Los Hermanos Vargas who specialize in, of all things, 60s music! Strangers (maybe technically it is 60s...) is translated into Spanish as are a couple of other songs. But mostly they sing in English: Wooly Bully, Twist 'n Shout, I Started A Joke... and I Saw Her Standing There, one of my all-time Beatles' faves:

They do a set, we do a set. I've never heard Fred's and Peter's arrangements but it doesn't matter... we muddle through, it's fun. They are happy with me, I'm happy with them. They are really good musicians, lively, musical - and they sing tons of Willie Nelson - even with a Dutch accent, it sounds great. I may have an authentic twang, but they have authentic sound. I'm very happy with the whole thing!

By the time we get to the second Vargas set, the place is about half full, about 60 people. Half of them are ticos, half are Dutch. A group of 18 Dutch people came in for dinner to hear the Dutch country group sing. (See? Altered state.) It dawns on me I'm the only gringo in the place, gringo being someone whose native language is English. I'm it. Her. That's rare... even here.

So I'm singing for the first time with a country band made up of Dutch guys and a tico drummer in a tico restaurant downtown San José on a Friday night with a half tico half Dutch audience, me the only gringa, sitting at a table where 90% of the conversation is in Dutch, 5% Spanish and 5% English. And that 5% is only for my benefit. It was really strange. And fun. I can't wait to do it again.

A Howler

Island Chica took a couple of fun photos while she was in Costa Rica last month. Love this face! If he could just keep it quiet...

What To Do On Weekends

Jane wrote to me this morning:

Hey, Saratica:

My Son has visited your site many times and loves all the info you give. He and I are coming to CR this weekend. We are enrolled in a language school in San Jose. We will have the afternoons and weekends free. Can you give us advice on places to see and things to do?

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply,
Jane

I don't always have time to write back, although I certainly mean to... But sometimes days and weeks go by (right, Arp?) while the email languishes in my inbox. This morning, timing was perfect for a reply and my mind was actually clicking along - probably because I went to the gym yesterday and took my vitamins. I replied immediately:

Hi Jane,

I would not miss Arenal. That for me has been the most amazing site. And it's just been spewing tons 'o ash... That is a long day trip and if you just spend a day, you might not get to see it out of clouds, something which may only happen at night during the rainy season. So I'd spend the night. We stay at Arenal Observatory Lodge, around $130/night including breakfast. There are MUCH cheaper places to stay but they are on the wrong side of the volcano and you don't get the view.

There is also Poas Volcano and the La Paz Waterfall Gardens - my second favorite place and that's a day trip. Butterflies, hummingbirds and amazing waterfalls.

At Arenal, there is a snake place that is pretty amazing, right near the Lodge: on the gravel road leading to the lodge, you come to a fork. You go left to the lodge, right to the snake place. Even if you are not a snake person, we had a guide that was a certified mad-scientist snake-o-phile. Fascinating. Plus they had a live Rhino beetle. Creepy.

[Click here to see those frog's eggs!]

There is Zoo Ave [sew AH-vay] in La Garitas, a bird zoo with other animals, but mostly birds. I have not been but will go soon. I've heard people rave about this and Zoo Ave is actually conservationist-minded.

There are two botanical gardens: the Else Kientzler Garden and the Lankester Garden. Have not been to either, but will soon. Friends have raved about Lankester which is southeast of the city, a day trip. Haven't met anyone who's been to the other which is on the road to Arenal.

On all your day trips, GO EARLY. It rains in the afternoon, starting anytime after 12noon. It's usually sunny and lovely in the mornings. Get up early, arrive at the opening hour, wear sandals or flip flops and take an umbrella.

Also, search the Costa Rica Living Group for "day trip" or even "San Jose day trip"... Someone was asking just recently and there were several good recommendations.

Have fun - thank you for asking!

Pura vida!

P.S. Pick up a copy of the Tico Times, too. That comes out on Fridays and has a listing of all the events for the coming week. Tons of theatre, dance, music. TONS.

Ceasar Salad (specially made)

This was the description of the first item on the menu at the Arenal Observatory Lodge. $6. "Specially made." Turns out, they were not kidding.

I lived in Manhattan in the early 80's. Had Ceasar salad prepared table side at some fabulous restaurants: rub the big wooden bowl with lemon, toss in Romaine lettuce, raw egg, big fat homemade croutons, little olive oil, fresh Parmesan, whole anchovies... tossed and served by snobby old waiters in tuxedos. You can get ALL these ingredients in Costa Rica except the tuxedos.

Let's just say this Cesar was nothing like that. Gayle (with whom I have done some pretty fine dining) could not resist and ordered it.

I may have mentioned that the food in Costa Rica is nothing to write home about. There is no cuisine here, which is fine. What you get in the markets is fresh, beautiful, plentiful and cheap. Fresh corn tortillas - especially the ones with cheese and natilla [na-TEE-jah, like a sour cream] - can be heavenly. Fresh gallo pinto can be delicious. You get damned sick of it, but, if you stick around long enough, you come back around to enjoying it.

Since there is no cuisine to fall in love with, you just want to be served good fresh food when you go out. Even if it is gallo pinto and tortillas. I was dismayed to discover that during our trip to Costa Rica's Magic Kingdom®, ALL the restaurants in which we ate served bad gringo food. So mediocre and poorly translated, it was, fortunately, cause for amusement. Sometimes the plate of food would appear in front of us and we would stare quizzically. Then ask, "Is this what I ordered?"

The "specially made" Ceasar salad had four ingredients: chopped iceberg lettuce with tiny store-bought croutons. Not really too surprising. The black olive halves raised an eyebrow. But the pièce de résistance were the tiny cocktail onions scattered about the dish. Yeah. Cocktail onions. Like you get in a gin martini. The three of us gaped for the longest time, speechless. Unfortunately, I didn't have the presence of mind to take a photo.

Gayle was still game - I mean, by this point, we'd had some pretty amusing meals delivered. Then they brought out the dressing: a monkey dish of gelatinous brownish goo that tasted... not that great. It may have just been the look of it, but it was not edible. This salad is now too special for us and Gayle sends it back.

How do the restaurants around the awesome Volcán Arenal get away with it? Captive audience. Despite the fact that vegetables are plentiful - the country is overflowing with delicious vegetables - at every meal, we had the same pre-packaged restaurant supply steamed broccoli/cauliflower/carrot mix. Exactly the same. You know the joke that all the Indian restaurants on 8th Street in Manhattan share the same oven? It's like all the restaurants around Arenal shared the same chef.

Hey. If you are looking for something to do to make a million in Costa Rica and if you can cook - at all - open a REASONABLY PRICED restaurant around the volcano. I promise you will rake it in. Doesn't need to be all gringo food either. Fresh and flavorful would pretty much get the job done. I'd recommend staying away from "special."

Costa Rica's Magic Kingdom®

That's what our trip to Volcán Arenal was almost like. Certainly it was as expensive.

PHOTO: I took this March 06 while we were driving around Lake Arenal. This is our first look at Arenal. We'd been in the area for two days but had not seen the volcano at all because of the dense cloud cover. When we came around the curve and saw this, we almost crashed the car. A massive gray rock jutting up out of the greenest landscape you ever saw..

Before relaying our trip, please see yesterday's disclaimer. Being Criticia Voluptua Right-Right has it values. Like I will never be taken. But it also prevents me from enjoying each experience, regardless. Like my mom. She loves everything. Sucker.

The drive was pretty easy. From San Jose, you just follow the volcano signs and/or signs to La Fortuna. You'll get there - there just aren't that many options for ways to go. If it's a clear day, at some point you can see the volcano and just drive towards it. There are only a couple of turns to make and they were marked with one or both signs. Coming back was a little more difficult, but we made it easily enough. Don't forget your compass... Bear in mind that the roads twist and turn so even though you might want to be heading north, at times you'll be heading south. Hopefully briefly.

BTW, there are volcano signs like this one on the way to each oft-visited volcano. The signs don't indicate which volcano and you don't always get a distance. Sometimes just an arrow. But there are so few roads, I don't think you could end up at the wrong volcano. Famous last words. If there's one universal thing about driving in Costa Rica, it's this: if you leave your house, you will be lost at least half the time during your first six months here. Learn to live with it or you will lose your mind.

Because we had to spend an hour driving back to San Ramon for gas [Arenal travel tip: get gas in San Ramon], we arrived in falling darkness instead of with plenty of sun left... The sun sets here @ 6pm and dusk lasts 30 minutes max. We did not have reservations but I had a couple of ideas and knew places would not be sold out. Well, the first two places we stopped were sold out. The third place I had in mind (Arenal Observatory Lodge) was much farther down the road, I didn't have the number. We deemed it too risky to drive all the way in the dark so stayed at the next place we came across. Which had plenty of rooms.

It was brand spanking new. Since I'm not going to say very nice things and would not stay there again - not because it wasn't lovely but it was too expensive - I'm going to call it El Hotel [L oh-TELL, the hotel]. All wood, nice imported lighting, definitely built for the gringo tourist, perfectly landscaped, every gringo detail you could ask for @ $115/night. In Costa Rica, it better be nice for $115/night. My first choice, Roca Negra, was $35/night including breakfast and looked equally nice. They only had enough beds for two people, though, and there were three of us: Gayle, Mom and me. Nice and cheap, looked good. Next time, I'm making reservations there!

The tico couple that ran El Hotel told me they were the owners. About a zillion bright red flags started waving in Miss Right-Right's tiny brain. I do NOT think the couple lied to me. I just don't think they were the only owners. Unless they were VERY wealthy. This place cost a relative fortune to build and to maintain, even in Costa Rica. And if there's one thing working in Key West real estate teaches you, it's how to spot a person who can ante up and/or at least qualify for the loan. I don't care what they are wearing or not wearing, you know who can ante up and who can't. I could not have afforded to build this place and outfit it as nicely. Say what you like, I gotta nose for this.

IF they are the only owners, not only do they have money, they hired gringo help for design and details. Had to've. They didn't speak any English... how could they have known every detail a gringo would want AND not speak any English? Doesn't add up.

Not that I care one way or the other. But I felt like I was being presented with a package that was a bit of fantasy to make the whole place more palatable. Like Ticos-Who've-Done-Well-For-Themselves-Land® at the Magic Kingdom®. Don't do that to me.

The really scary thought is that maybe gringos want to be pandered to. I mean, look at Fantasyland's success... Maybe I'm more out of touch than I thought.

Look how far my paranoia takes me: in the restaurant, they have a very expensive menu. House salads $5. Chicken Cordon Bleu $13. Like that. Well, Chicken Cordon Bleu was spelled Chicken Gordon Blue. (And who comes to Costa Rica for Chicken Gordon Blue anyway?) Ham in Spanish is jamón [ha-MOAN]. Ham in English on this menu was spelled Jam. Cute. Mom and Gayle laughed. My suspicion antennae went up bigtime. Tons of "mis-spellings" like this... What? The gringo adviser was napping when the menu was typed up? Anyway. We all thought the food was ok, but just.

The volcano was completely shrouded in clouds... I couldn't even tell which mountain it was. You could only see a tiny bit of mountain bottom. The proprietors promised that, if it was cloud-free at any time, we'd have a big view out our window. Cross your fingers for a cloudless moment.

We fell asleep at about 9pm. If you don't have TV and computer propping your eyes open, you fall into a dead sleep at a reasonable hour. I woke about 4:30am, rolled over and WOW: there she was, right out my window. Volcán Arenal is absolutely amazing. Completely humbling. You can't get it in a picture. You need to have it hover over you. Big Wow. I didn't see any fire rocks rolling down the side. Later I discovered they are not rolling down this side at this time. But more on that in a minute.

I started snapping photos right away. Within half an hour, the cloud cover was moving in so I woke up Gayle and Mom to prove there really was an active volcano... well, at least A volcano, right outside our window. They ooed and awed appropriately, then went back to sleep.

After breakfast (very nice, great coffee, fresh fruit, dry scrambled eggs which is tipico [TEE-pee-co, typical] and gallo pinto [GAH-joe PEEN-toe] which is also), we packed up and headed to the Arenal Observatory Lodge. This was $137 including all taxes and breakfast for the three of us, but it is also right at the foot of the volcano. Plus the lava rocks are flowing down this side. You can only see them at night. Well, you CAN see them during the day but they appear as puffs of smoke popping down the mountain side. At night, they are red glowing fiery rocks. VERY cool. Tons of photos... I start snapping and can't stop.

Twin peaks, I love that. Driving to Arenal, the smaller peak is on the left. At the lodge, it's on the right. Tiny navigational tip. Should prove really helpful on a cloudless day when you are in sight of the volcano on the only road...

We took the morning walk offered free by the lodge - a wonderfully invigorating walk and very informative. In 1968, that whole area was destroyed by an eruption. Our guide told us that everyone living around there thought Arenal was just a mountain. It was covered in green just like all the other mountains. Then it erupted. Surprise. The huge trees and all the current jungle is just 40 years old. That's amazing. Lava ash makes for fertile ground.

Oh, yes, there's more: tomorrow, Criticia chats amiably (for the most part) about the food and the hot springs. Right now, we have to go to Hipermas and get washrags. Ooooh, yes, big day around here.

Sarchi with Mom and Gayle

Sarchi* is about an hour's drive from here. The town is famous for two things: wooden furniture and oxcarts. The town is also known for arts and crafts, but it seems to me they make stuff to sell to tourists... not like they were going to make the stuff anyway. You know? Like oxcarts.

The oxcarts they make anyway. Tico farmers still use oxcarts to transport goods from the farm to market, complete with oxen. I see them walking down my street, loaded for bear. On my early morning walk, I pass their oxen roaming free eating grass. A little unnerving at first, but you get used to it. They are really just muscular non-aggressive cows with horns, right? Mom and Gayle wanted to see oxcarts, so we headed for Sarchi.

DISCLAIMER: Maybe from living in a tourist town for so many years, I am jaded when it comes to tourist attractions. I try to keep my cynicism at bay but it's not always possible. I'm borderline paranoid about some stuff... Some stuff deserves it: I'm from KY and remember going to a tourist attraction - KY is deservedly famous for its crafts - not far from my hometown. Every craft sold in the town had a Made in China sticker on the bottom. Didn't even have the good sense to remove the tag... Anyway. I'm suspicious. Having Mom and Gayle with me for this Sarchi-to-Arenal tour was refreshing because they like EVERYTHING and are excited by EVERYTHING - touristy or no. I had to keep my little hop-toads of wisdom to myself so as not to rain on their parade... big of me.

Sarchi is a small rural town, feels waaaaaaay out in the country to this city girl. But a really lovely little town. I used to be a country girl. One of mom's husbands was a bridge/poker player who owned a dairy farm in Indiana... I LOVED that farm. Look for those farm stories in the Mom's-Marriages.com blog coming your way one day soon. I'm thinking she is not going to find this idea as amusing as I do.

During season, I'm sure Sarchi is swamped with tourists. But now, during rainy season - and it rained the whole day - we were It. We stopped at a little coffee shop near the church for coffee and pan dulce [pahn DUEL-say, sweet bread]. Two coffees and a bag of sugar cookies was 800 colones = $1.60. Even I was impressed with how cheap it was... In Escazú, we would pay at least twice that much.

After refreshments, we headed to the biggest oxcart souvenir shop in town. You can't miss it. Rows and rows of expensive souvenirs: oxcarts in all sizes, from miniscule to gigantic, wooden furniture, kitchen stuff, boxes, jewelry, beads, hammocks, painted junk, masks, t-shirts, caps, leather bags, embroidered bags, aprons, postcards. And everything had Costa Rica written on it. Proof. I asked a shopgirl where the oxcarts were actually made and was surprised when she told me: Alfaro's. She kinda whispered it... We headed over there and found ourselves in an oxcart factory. I videotaped some of our visit:

It ends rather abruptly when my batteries died. Mr. Alpizar was about to tell me how much the yokes sell for: $200. I'm getting one for over my bed. Will Hal find this amusing? Yeah. He's good like that.

I also asked if I could buy three small wheels ($20 each) to use as table tops for our mini coffee tables in the living room. You can buy these surprisingly sturdy little tables on the roadside. This size is $4 (the ones the man is holding on the left are much smaller, probably $2). We'll paint the bases and attach the wheels which should be ready Monday. Can't wait.

Mr. Alpizar asked what base color would I like (black). The design and colors I will leave up to him. Everything I saw in his barn was so beautiful... Hal says my favorite color is confusing. A beautiful hand-painted oxcart wheel will scratch that itch nicely. Well worth the drive!!!

*On the map in the link, Sarchi is just below and slightly left of the word Alajuela in the top-half, center; Escazú is just to the left of San Jose which is at the far right edge just below center 

Life Is A Cabaret, Old Chum

"I once had a girlfriend known as Elsie. With whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea. She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower. As a matter of fact, she rented by the hour."  Sung by Liza as Sallie Bowles in Cabaret

When I met Xavier, he was the junk mail king of Key West. Of course, I fell in love with him! Since then, our policy is to happily take and read every piece of paper handed out by anyone anywhere. Keeping printers busy worldwide (sorry to my treehugger friends...)

So when I saw the guy coming towards me with this junk flyer on a busy street, I rolled down my window to take it. It's advertising cabinas that you can rent by the hour with private baths, hot water, room service, private parking and music. $8 for 2 hours, $12 for 6 hours, $18 for 12 hours. I guess no one stays 24?

If the phone number is too small to read, click the photo. It will open up in a bigger window. Area code is 506. Esperamos servirle. [We wait to serve you.]

The Big Picture

The Galaxy Song from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.

Eric Idle can keep things in perspective, eh?

Why Be Shy?

In a country where prostitution is legal and you can get 4 hours alone with a working girl for only $200, you might need a little assistance. You can get it here at any farmacia: this, Viagra, whatever. Anywhere. Prescription-free, and cheap, I'm sure.

Please remember, if you have an erection lasting for longer than four hours, seek immediate medical assistance. If your wife hasn't already killed you.

Volcán Arenal Travel Tips!

Roca Negra Inn 011-506-479-9237
Pet friendly, Volcán Arenal.

My friend and fellow blogger Jennifer wrote about her recent trip to Volcán Arenal and recommended Roca Negra. I googled it and found a year-old LA Times article written by an Arthur Frommer (THE Arthur Frommer?) which is the only info I found - ACK, no website??? I'm always completely surprised when this happens. Which it does quite frequently here in Costa Rica. Jen was comfortable there and it was $30 for the four of them and Bear. That's good enough for me!