A Broad In Costa Rica

My 2 Least Favorite Things About Costa Rica

As you know, I hate to complain. But a coupla things are ticking me off lately. Like...

1. Gringo Pricing. While ticas and I are the same height, all resemblance stops there. Ticos see me coming. Like going into the local pulperia [mom and pop grocery] for eggs last week. A flat of eggs in Auto Mercado is 2,800 colones. (Eggs are sold by weight, but this is average price.) Well, Juan charged me 4,000 colones and these were not heavy eggs. Nor were they fresh.

Like at Spoon yesterday in Alajuela's International Mall, I ordered a Capuccino and got out my rojo [red, slang for a 1,000 colon note which is red]. When the girl told me it would be un mil setecientos cincuenta [1,750 colones], I almost choked. $3.22 for a coffee in Costa Rica? Me being a quick thinker and all, I said, "Tengo solo un mil." [I only have a rojo.] As I turned to walk away, she - also a quick thinker - said, "Un mil esta bien." She snatched my rojo and pushed the coffee at me. Ok, I can live with that. Since prices weren't posted for coffee, I didn't know the true price. At home online, I see the price is 1,075 colones. (And, no, I did not misunderstand her. I made her say it twice and even repeated it back to her. Grumble, grumble.)

Most of the time, I don't notice, I take it in stride and try to prevent the more outrageous takings. Lately, I notice. Maybe it's more obvious, maybe I'm just homesick for Key West. But if prices aren't posted, gringos, ask cuantos before you order, or shop elsewhere. At the feria [farmer's market], I only buy from stalls that post prices. I hate feeling like I got taken. Which happens if you aren't mindful.

Petty Dishonesty (P.D.) is rampant in Central America. I don't think it's considered "bad" here. It's simply an opportunity to earn a quick few colones. And it's not really stealing (unless you are all hung up on the 10 Commandments). If a tico thief is caught with less than $400 worth of stuff, judges let them go. There are practical reasons: Costa Rica doesn't have jail space to hold every petty thief, one of my most favorite things about Costa Rica. But it's a fact everyone knows which probably leads to continued relaxation about P.D.

If I'm going to insist on firing every maid who takes a bag of oatmeal, a battery or a can of tuna fish, I'm likely not going to have a maid. Almost everyone tells me this, I didn't figure it out on my own. As my last maid told me, "I never took books or money." There was no shame for her in being a thief. There was dismay for getting caught and losing a good job. The rationale is that I have so much, she has so little, so it's not stealing. She's helping me share. Gringo pricing taken to the next level.

And it's not just gringo to tico where P.D. exists, it's tico to tico, too. It's why, if one is involved in an accident, one waits for a cop without moving the cars involved. Even if those cars are in the middle of the road blocking traffic. Why? Because ticos don't trust each other to tell the truth about what happened. Fabrication for fun. Exaggeration is sport in Costa Rica. There's not even animosity about it.

Are gringos more honest than ticos? At the petty level, what I'd call "cash register" honesty, I'd say yes. But only then. We have cash register honesty drilled into us from birth (except for politicians. They'll steal anything not nailed down.)

Gringos certainly own their share of thieves, just not so much the petty everyday thievery. We prefer Bernie Madoff-styled heists. And maybe foreigners in the U.S. have to constantly count their change. But, at this moment, I'm sick of it.

2. You can't always get what you need. Or even what you want. Like real whole wheat flour. Like most vitamins. And no mega-dose vitamins at all here. Like real salt. Or just plain salt with nothing added. Even though it's mined here, they add iodine and fluoride to all salt, even sea salt. Argh. Like a host of gadgets: a dehydrator, for instance. You can't get these items here at all, not to be found even for a price.

The vitamin situation is ridiculous. You can't even pay duty and get vitamins shipped here - customs takes them. Last fall, they took my eight bottles of Omega3 vitamins, which cost $150 for the vitamins and $50 for shipping. Eight bottles for a family of four is not that much. For a family of one, it's not that much. But the sharp tacks at aduanas insisted I apply for an import license for vitamins. For 8 bottles. So I did. They denied it, of course.

So, they had the vitamins, they weren't going to give them to me for any amount of money or permission. What was the point of that exercise? And did they sell them? Take them? I'll bet they are still sitting there, rancid by now, of course. The entire point seems to be simply to show who's boss. Like me telling Morgan he can't do something "because I said so." Stupid.

Whole wheat flour does not exist here. What is labeled whole wheat in the store is not. For one thing, it's Betty Crocker-style ww: everything removed, the life bleached out of it, then some fiber, iron and "nutritional stuff" added back in. We guess it's better than white, but we yearn for the real thing.

We do have a few pounds of whole wheat berries and would grind those if we could. But, unless you buy a Vitamix here (for twice the price in the U.S.), you can't buy a good grain grinder in Costa Rica. We've finally given up buying expensive small electronics and equipment here. I have long suspected that manufacturers send their "seconds" to third world countries, because, no matter the brand, every small appliance we've bought in Costa Rica has failed in short order. We are on our fourth coffeepot in four years. The current one broke yesterday.

For everything you can order in - including books, now - you pay anywhere from 50% to 100% duty on it plus exorbitant shipping fees from your mailing service. If you can get the gadget here, it's double the price it is in the states. If you are moving here - and there are still more things I love about Costa Rica than not - bring everything.

Here's my question: who does all that duty benefit? It supports the customs industry, but anyone else? Does the government use this money (if they see anything over and above what it costs to run customs) to benefit ticos? It clearly does not. In fact, it only makes it impossible for the average tico to afford any cool gadgets. And if a tico can't get a visa to visit the U.S. (who can these days?), you can't even go there and buy one at Best Buys.

Some days, I yearn to walk into a big health food store and buy a couple of bags of whole wheat flour. To have that coveted dehydrator shipped to my door. Easy vitamins. Ryan to be able to get all the books he wants. In Key West, we'd buy at least five to ten books a month. Not now.

Perhaps it's the old 'merican "I want what I want when I want it. Which is now." But I can't help it: I do. In the big picture, it's a small price to pay. Right at this moment, I'm annoyed. OH, wait, I hear the girls:

Coup or No Coup?

Over on Costa Rica Living, we've been havin' ourselves a good ole time ranting and raving about Honduras and is it a coup or not. (It's not.) You can read the posts here (this is a 44 page pdf document... you have to be really interested!) The CRL camp is divided: half think coup, the other half think legal constitutional action. Both sides quote Honduras' Constitution. They've read it once and are certain they understand the details. I wonder how many have read the U.S. Constitution?

Some of the posters are downright hostile and very, very certain Honduras needs to take back Zelaya. Not me. I say goodbye to dictator-wannabes. Personally, I think Obama and Clinton are worried sick to see a citizenry kick out a president because he wouldn't follow the Constitution. Might give their peons ideas.

If you are interested in following this situation from a local's point of view, check out La Gringa's blog. I've been reading it since we moved here. She's paying attention, I trust her take.

I'm posting that pdf for hysterical historical purposes: in a few months or years, it will be interesting to look back and read what really happened then and what is really going to happen next. And how right or wrong those other people were. There's a lotta hot air on CRL. Not me, of course. Them.

In other news, I finished my second week of massage school and I'm liking it way more than I thought I would. In fact, it's quite satisfying. Bodies are cool. And I love being out of the house away from this computer! I've given a few freebie test massages and feel like I'll be good by the time I've completed the school. I might be too old, though: I keep forgetting if I've done a part or not. I don't really think it's kosher to ask, "Have I rubbed this leg yet?" Maybe I just need more estrogen.

I also have finished my second week of chelation using Andy Cutler's protocol. I take the chelation supplement (DMSA) on a low dose for three days ("on round"), then off for four ("off round"). The first couple of days off round, I feel pretty yucky, like I'm coming down with a flu: headachy, tired, the whole body flu thing. This means there is mercury in the old bod and it's moving out. Pretty weird, pretty cool. I'm sticking with it. I want that crap outta my body. Maybe I'll start to remember where I am.

On the home front, we are considering moving from this house. We actually considered moving to Heredia across the valley. We lived over there when we first moved to Costa Rica and it is beautiful. It's the country. It's really Costa Rica. Even though I have cows on my street, Escazú is like Manhattan compared to Heredia. So, we spent a couple of days last weekend driving all over Heredia, looking at houses. It's beautiful, it's peaceful, it's cheaper, we have some good friends over there... but I can't leave the city. I've made my life over here, I have friends over here, I have a routine, I know the area. The worst thing about culture shock is that Everything Is Different. Well, I finally know my way around here and I can't give that up. I like what little familiarity I've found, dammit!

All is well here. I'm working hard on the sites I manage, fitting in a practice massage when I can, exercising, chelating, worrying about money and teaching myself not to worry about anything. It will all be just fine, I know it will. Even if I have to go back to the states and live in my car, that would be a new adventure. (I'm still exercising so I'll be in good enough shape to live in a cardboard box if I have to.)

When I bought my first car in 1989, a Toyota station wagon, I bought it because my father had just died, I was in a rocky place and I figured I could always live in a station wagon. Hal's brother has our Toyota mini-van in Key West. We could all live in that. Camping under the stars, eating canned food heated up over a nice fire in the woods. That would be an adventure, now wouldn't it? See? Why worry.

Snot Again

Google images may have saved Morgan's life. He's on his way home from the hospital now (it's Sunday morning). WARNING: graphic photos below.

Let's just get me out of the way here: I am a basket case. Between Ryan's mass and surgery, Mango's being lost and found and my mother's intense disapproval and blame, and now Morgan's weekend emergency hospitalization because he developed a heart-stoppingly dangerous infection, the last 30 days have been quite a ride. If anything bad happens to Hal, I might just leave his body on the road in Escazú and hope someone else helps him. I'm helped out. The only positive is I think I lost a couple more pounds from stress. I'd rather have the fat.

Wednesday night, Mo complained of a pain in his eye. He spent all day Thursday in bed, still had the pain but not too badly, it seemed. And no swelling, no visible problem. We figured it was a stye. And he'd been up all night the weekend before playing a video game (they can make that dumb choice if they want to one weekend night), so we figured he was catching up sleep.

Thursday night, the eye started to swell a bit, he was feverish and threw up several times. I went to geezer gig rehearsal thinking the worst was over. His fever was better and he was eating. Two long time expats there suggested spider bite which seemed reasonable. But by the time I got home, his eye was pretty ugly and he was feverish again. I started searching online, starting with "spider bites Costa Rica." Nothing seemed to fit: spiders either kill you or you get a little swelling. And Costa Rica doesn't have any really aggressive spiders, particularly at 4000 feet where we live.

So I changed tactics, searching "eye pain eyelid swelling" and, about an hour later, ended up here: orbital cellulitis. That scared the life out of me, so badly my knees started knocking. I was shaking, teeth chatteringly terrified. I woke up Hal and told him I thought this was pretty serious. He said we'd take Mo to the doctor in the morning.

Which reminds me: how come these things never happen during doctor's hours?

I go back to the computer and type in orbital cellulitis in google images. I see people whose eyes look just like Mo's and I totally freak out. I wake up Hal again, he's sensible again. I go back and look at Mo again. It's 3am. I ignore Hal and take Mo to CIMA's emergency room.

Not to blame Hal at all. He's the intellectual, putting two and two together. A) He's not looking on the internet and getting scared to death and, B) he knows he's married to an overly dramatic wish-she'd-been-a-doctor hysteric. Fortunately.

The CIMA doctor on-duty is very nice but, in the end, he was too much like Hal and not enough like me. After a blood test and a CAT scan ($435 for everything but the drugs - such a deal), he said Mo had a serious sinus infection (which was news) that had moved to his eyelids. A course of regular antibiotics would take care of it. He sent us home with $100 worth of drugs. It's 6am.

Three hours later, the swelling is a tad worse and Mo's still in serious pain. We go back to CIMA. The doctor now on duty looks at the CAT scan and says Mo needs to be hospitalized immediately with IV antibiotics. This is what the internet said everywhere I looked and what I believed should happen. We hysterics don't mess around. Mo was not at the orbital cellulitis stage, but he was well on the way. The stage after O.C. is bacterial meningitis the thought of which had me shaking again. The only way to stop this infection in its tracks is with IV antibiotics. Nothing less would do and there just weren't days to waste trying to figure that out.

Still, I freaked. All I could think of was my friend who had been in this hospital and picked up a serious infection. And I didn't know any doctors there. So we called Dr. Arce, Ryan's otorrinolaringologo [oh-toe-REEN (and you gotta do the trill with the rrs there)-oh-lah-reen-HO-lo-go, I think... means ear, nose, throat person]. When I told the CIMA doctor I was taking Mo to see Dr. Arce, his eyes got very big, he looked very impressed and humbled actually! Dr. Arce is the man. He put Mo in Clinica Bíblica immediately hooked up to a steady stream of IV antibiotics.

Neither Hal or I put our faith in traditional medicine. It's a fact that more people die of medical treatment than from anything else. More people get infections in a hospital than anywhere else. But at some point, as a parent, you shut down and you need an expert and you have to put your trust somewhere else because you just don't have the depth of information necessary to make a smart informed decision. We had to turn it over. Thank God for the internet and for placing Dr. Arce in our path. If you are going to go with traditional medicine, you want someone with experience who is not an hysteric and not hungry for surgery. We got him.

As we were preparing for the trip to see Dr. Arce, Ryan delighted in telling Mo about the scoping he was going to get. Nice, huh? But I'm thinking how odd it is that both boys have serious sinus infections requiring life-changing treatment IN A SINGLE MONTH. I don't have the answer, but factors under consideration are:

• The rainy season which by all accounts is nearly as bad as last year's which was the worst anyone remembers in many, many years. My angel pharmacist, Leah, says if you could see the air in Costa Rica during the rainy season, it would be a cloud of organisms. So much crap is pulled up from the ground during the pounding relentless rains, it floats around. Unseen and breath-able.
• Speaking of crap, Mo weed-whacked the grass last week. With three dogs, you can imagine there's a bit of doggie do laying around. When whacking, you occasionally hit a doggie do land mine: bits flying everywhere, including on you, and a fine doggie do mist that you inhale... Mo got annoyed with the plastic face mask and took it off, then later complained about stuff hitting him in the face. If there were a sinus (or any) infection already established, doggie do could actually be dangerous. Why does this not occur to intelligent adults? It's 100% disgusting bacteria; of course, it's dangerous!
• We've made a lot of dietary changes around here lately, adding a boatload of supplements including GSE for yeast control. What I didn't take seriously enough is that, when yeast dies off, it creates toxins in your system. So you take activated charcoal 45 minutes after the GSE to absorb those toxins. We have not been strict about this part because there were no obvious die-off symptoms (headache, nervousness - there's a list). But if you have yeast and you kill it, those toxins are definitely created whether you see die-off symptoms or not. Toxins make infections worse. I never put this together. I have now. I think it's a serious contender for intensifying this infection. (Mothers feel guilty for everything... trying not to go there, just looking at the evidence.)
• This whole front-yard-does-not-drain-during-the-rainy-season and that's-where-the-septic-tank-is thing. What is the air quality around our house?
• Not to mention the fact that there are no air vents in any bathrooms, tico-style. So... what is the air quality IN our house? I'm putting all this together and wondering right out loud how safe is our air-quality around here. How much, if anything, do these details contribute, especially combined?

Mo just walked in and wants to do some sanding on an air gun, then spray paint it. Hal and I both leaped up and said no way until we get some cute blue face masks and he must wear the eye protection gear, no ifs ands or buts about it, is that clear??? He kinda backed off and said, "yeah, ok, whatever." He's now playing his guitar in his room. That's safe, right?

In America

"In America, you'll get food to eat. Don't have to run through the jungle and scuff up your feet. You'll just sing about Jesus and drink wine all day. It's great to be an American."
                      - from Sail Away, Randy Newman's clever slave-trade ditty

All true, so far. We're here in the good ole U.S. of A. Hal's mom was not well (she's better now), Spirit Air had tickets for $250 each = a good time to see what's up here. I guess the USA is still the same... but a few things struck me right off. Like:

• Once the shock of Naples' grandiosity subsided, it feels like we never left (Hal's mom lives in Naples)
• Cottage cheese is the best thing since sliced bread. We've eaten at least one large container a day.
• We are doing all day here what we do all day there: sit in front of our computers for work and play. Does it matter where we are?
• For all my whining about missing my buddies, we've seen and actually talked to those buddies more during our visits in the last two years than we did the 25 years before that. Ok, that's a slight exaggeration, but not far off...
• There are fewer people here who are really important to me than I thought. The really important people are in my radar no matter where I am in the world.
• Everything in Florida is flat, not a hill in sight. Except for the...
• Convoluted highways with overpasses three and four deep
• Drivers know how to merge
• Going 80mph
• Girls as tall as Morgan (6' 1")
• $2.50 tolls
• Too much English spoken
• Everybody comes to a complete stop at stoplights, then they wait till it turns green to go. What a concept.
• Country music on the radio
• All the roads have names. In Naples, they all have two-word names, like Rattlesnake Hammock Drive and Imperial Wilderness Way.
• I have not seen one guy peeing on the side of the road
• No farm animals tied up to people's houses
• No farm animals being herded through town
• No farm animals grazing along the road
• No farm animal poop anywhere
• If you don't jam on the gas pedal the second the light turns green, no one honks their horn
• Restaurants are EXPENSIVE. I will never not complain about Costa Rica's restaurants.
• Even though we constantly chat amongst our expat selves over there about how civil liberties are being sacrificed right and left over here, when you are here, you don't even notice. Which is, of course, how they get away with it.
• Everyone says "cahstah" Rica, even after hearing us say "coast-ah" Rica.

Have we really been gone two years? I feel like I stepped through a wormhole. The only way I know it's been so long is that I'm different: calmer, happier. And the boys have doubled in size. Otherwise, it seems so regular to be here.

I admit it: I love Key West. I love seeing my girlfriends, I love seeing Key West so green and lush - it's finally recovered from Wilma. The houses are so pretty, the streets so whole. The town maintains a prosperous air (even though it is most decidedly not.) A pretty, sunny, familiar face.

I spent last week running around, doing unexpected business. Like I got a new property management customer, wrote an offer for a buyer on a foreclosure (plenty of those around), joined forces with a long-time REALTOR® here, met with a REALTOR® up the keys who's had a Costa Rica real estate office in Heredia for 25 years. Perhaps I will do some referral work with her.

From here on out, it's playtime. Like there is some very fine music to be enjoyed. Photo left: Skipper Kripitz, Leanna Collins and Gordy Michaels make the jazz at The Gardens Hotel on Sunday Afternoons.

I saw a local dance company's beautiful production at the Waterfront Playhouse, one of the three busy theatres here. Starting top left in the photo is Kyra and Andres (oh my God, you cannot take your eyes off Andres), then Leigh, Denis (ditto Denis) and Mary Kay. Real honest-to-God dancers.

The Robert Frost Festival starts next week. Key West is famous for its talent. I'm suddenly very aware of it and determined to enjoy as much as possible. Because, you know, I'm a singer in a geezer band now. Gotta stay up with my people.

Key West's real estate market is suffering badly and the worst is yet to come. Like a house I sold (not pictured) for $850,000 the winter of '05 is now going for $350,000. I've heard of others. "Deals" like this are just now making the Coconut Telegraph. Countrywide has $500M in loans here in Key West; $90M are in foreclosure. The snowball is at the top of the mountain. Once all these foreclosures hit the local MSM, it's all she wrote. I'm thinking the bottom will appear in the next year to two years. Unless you are a savvy real estate buyer, save your money.

"Ain't no lions or tigers, ain't no mamba snake. Just the sweet watermelon and the buckwheat cake. Ev'rybody is as happy as a man can be. Climb aboard, little wog, sail away with me."

After being stateside these past few days, a Deep Thought crystallized. I've circled this bridge before and nobody wants to hear me say it out loud, least of all my husband. It's practically blasphemy in the expat world. But here it is: Costa Rica is not cheap enough to justify how hard the day-to-day life is. Hard being mostly culture shock, roads and crime. Feeling like a target all the time is wearing on a body. As is being jostled around in your car practically every minute you are in it.

It's not all bad: I love the life there. I'm looking forward to going back. We've made excellent friends. Nothing would have forced us to think outside the income box except living where that's the only option. Besides, what would my geezer band do without me?

If I were rich, where would I live right now? I'd live in Costa Rica and travel on a whim, no contest. But we're not rich and cost of living is key: it was a major consideration when choosing Costa Rica. Yes, there are places in the U.S. cheaper than Costa Rica. Not that I want to actually live any of those places, but at this point in my life, I'll consider anything. Necessity and all that.

In a year, Key West will be affordable. The really critical thing is: I can work here. I've LOVED working the past few days. I like earning money, I like dressing up and doing my thing. I spent twelve years building a business, then just walked out. I could still walk back in - that is compelling. I guess I miss that more than I thought.

Here's something else that been eating at me lately: the boys can get jobs here. They are ready and it's not possible in Costa Rica. Probably seems like a little thing to you, but niggling at me...

Plus there's Hansa's cooking. Oh my goodness. Spicy, delicious vegetarian food. Hansa can cook and I'm always welcome at her table. Like tonight. She told me I can go on YouTube and find videos for making her recipes. While her dishes are so exotic to me, I guess they are "everyday" in India... if I cooked in Costa Rica like Hansa cooks in Key West, I'll bet our food bill would be way cheaper!

For now, I'll keep pretending I'm rich: living in Costa Rica, traveling on a whim. One day at a time. This sure seems to be working for us. Funny, every time I think this issue is settled, something comes along to rattle that cage.

"In America every man is free to take care of his home and his family. You'll be as happy as a monkey in a monkey tree. You're all gonna be an American."

58 & Income Update

Listen to this while you read. Such a beautiful song. Go ahead, sing along. Everyone else does.

We are in hell. The property behind us is used for parties occasionally. Not too often, THANK GOD. Because ticos, like their friends in the frozen north, are WILD for karaoke. And beer. In combination. Who knew? It's almost 10pm here and OH MY GOD the wail emanating from over the fence is painful. Every once in a while we all look at each other, roll our eyes and laugh. You have to laugh. Because you aren't going to sleep... Mercifully, the parties usually end around 11pm...

Hal turned 58 last Tuesday. I've decided he's too old for me now. As soon as I lose that 25 pounds, I'm going to look for a younger husband. Unless Hal gets a job... then I'll probably stay. I mean, it would crush him for me to leave.

We've bought ourselves a tiny little income stream. Bought two income-producing websites, one selling an ebook we found useful, one selling political products to which we can add all sorts of junk we like. The deals aren't final yet, so not naming names. But soon. Plus, we are starting up two other income (hopefully) producing websites... that's a little further down the pike, but we have a partner in one of them and they should do very well.

There are a couple of other promising items in the works, more is being revealed (to us, then to you). But immediate problems #1 and #2 are solved: we are not going to starve and we don't have to leave Costa Rica!!! Hallelujah.

I have one tiny problem left. How to tell Hal I don't want to work. Not work like he's going to have to work. I want to write and sing with my Geezer Band. Finish the book. Make the blog into a book. No book = no book tour and no Oprah. Can't have that. I'm thinking of tying in staying with him if he does all the work. Surely he'll agree to this. Wouldn't you?

But I'll have to tweak this plan later, because we are now surrounded by revelers. Half the party has moved to the street in front of our house. I think they are having a rally, there's some kind of loud chanting going on. The odd thing is, this really doesn't bother any of us. It happens maybe once a month... Maybe because all the sounds are happy sounds. We've never had loud angry voices in front of our house, just all laughter and loud talk. And all ending in about 30 minutes... My kind of party.

Where've I Been?

Just now at Volcán Arenal with Mom and Aunt Gay, mom's baby sister. This was my third time at the volcano, my favorite place in Costa Rica so far. Volcán Arenal is flawless, when you can see it.

Did you know, on a clear day, you can see the top of Arenal from San Ramon, two hours to the south of it? Huge and magnificent, an incredible sight. This picture (right: you click on it to make it bigger, Arenal's peak is smack in the middle) doesn't do it justice. Remember the look on Sam Neill's face when he sees the brontosaurus for the first time in Jurassic Park? That's how I felt seeing the top of Arenal looming in the distance. Amazing.

Saturday night, after a brilliantly clear day, we got a brilliantly clear night. Several thunder rolls from deep in the belly of the beast - at first you think it's thunder or a jet flying overhead. 'Cept no storm clouds and no jets... Arenal, she speaks. Then display after display of fire rocks rolling down the side. We were very lucky to see that because the next two days, until our drive home, she was completely in the clouds. You just see the bottom of a hill, not even a peek of a peak.

Sunday afternoon, we did the hanging bridge tour which was lovely, but I wouldn't do it again. It was just like the La Paz Waterfall walk without the waterfalls. In both, you walk for two-three hours through wet rainforest, mesmerized by the opportunistic life around you. If something dies, something else grows on it, sucking the last bit of life out of it, making the dead thing part of the living thing, thriving. Our guide pointed out that when something falls in the jungle, it's just making room for something else. You get a real sense of that happening here, even as you are walking past. Nothing goes to waste in a rainforest.

This afternoon we drove back a different route, via Ciudad Quesada/San Carlos. Wow. This is one of the most beautiful roads I've been on in Costa Rica. Treacherous and curvy, mountainous, very much like Cerro de la Muerte (hill of the dead), the road to San Isidro de General on the southern Pacific coast near Dominical.

Loaded with 18 wheelers (one of which was turned on its side after touching bumpers with a compadre) taking up more than their share of the road, adding to the thrill. But the views: mountain range after range, so green, providing incredible vistas with Volcán Arenal as the backdrop. Huge wow for me.

Where I've been the past two weeks is at a crossroads. A little panicky. Today, 28 Jan 2008, marks our two year anniversary in Costa Rica. It's been heaven, we have grown to love life here. It really is different. We are different. We never expected it. At least I didn't. Hal's been ready for a change for some time, but neither of us would have prophesied living in Costa Rica for good. If you'd known us then, you wouldn't have either. But here we are.

Spending our children's inheritance, now too pitiful a sum to call "inheritance," but, thankfully, still enough to buy an income. Which we must do NOW or move in with one of you. Any volunteers? There's just the five of us and three big muddy dogs. I'll keep checking my inbox for the invites. In the meantime...

What to do, what to do? We've filled and erased three oversized white-boards with every Option & Idea we can think of, now filling the fourth. The first white-board was the most revealing.

On it, we'd listed pros/cons on going back to the states. Any business we do, especially if there were product involved, would be easier in the states. Like, Hal's been trying to get a test copy of his book in paperback from Lightening Source. They've shipped out three, so far. All three lost, sent to the wrong address even though he's emailed the exact dirección. The last copy went to Mexico due to a typo. Customer service for a product would be a nightmare from here. So, product from here? That's out. Product in the U.S.? Doable.

Buying a business with employees in Costa Rica is out. All we hear from gringos who own businesses here are the many ways you are taken advantage of and ripped off. You have to be at your business every minute it's open. You might as well have a job. On top of that, if you are going to own a business here with employees, you better be fluent in Spanish. As comfortable as we are with the language, we are at least a year out from being anywhere close to that. Probably ten. So employee biz here? Out. In the U.S.? Doable.

Our ace-in-the-hole plan would be to move to Gainesville, buy a business there (bar or shooting range, natch) while I spend three years in acupuncture school. That was the loosely held plan before moving to Costa Rica. We saw the end of the real estate game looming large and acupuncture is a good fit for me - I would love this career. Definitely doable.

As far as the boys go, being in the U.S. would be a good thing. They could get part-time jobs. There's a wealth of learning opportunities in a college town for teens, including college. We could live in Gainesville for probably less than what it costs to live here. Sad, but true. Security would not be an issue there. Better roads. Cheap Triscuits. Huge cheap bookstores. I mean, the only thing we can no longer live without is an income. If having one means living in the U.S., so be it. Would it be so bad? Heck, you do what you have to.

Well, we sat with that pro/con list for a few days, pretty much avoiding the white-board, coming to grips. Realizing the pros of moving back far outnumbered the cons when contemplating income. But man, were we getting depressed. At first, the list looked inviting. A return to familiarity. To knowing how everything works. No razor wire. Within a day's drive to all our Key West buddies. I could go to school. Teen growth opportunities...

I guess we've crossed some invisible line, rounded some curve, burnt some bridge... life looks different now. We so like living in Costa Rica. I mean, it's something, alright. Breathtaking, frustrating, hilarious, no question. There's no logical explanation. I wish I could put my finger on what has captured us so completely. Here we have a perfect reason to go "home," perfect timing, no one could fault us for going back. Turns out we'd rather eat monkey brains. Going back? Not doable unless there is flat out no other option. Erasing that pro/con list was SUCH a relief.

So we've filled three more white boards with Os&Is. And cartoon stick figures... Narrowing the field, we've been shopping biz for sale sites, calling, writing, negotiating. Owning a business in the U.S. would still be OK, as long as we didn't have to live there. Ruminating on all this, when, last week, out of the blue, a madcap millionaire inventor we just met wants Hal to do a business with him. Then the MMI's abogado [ah-bow-GAH-doe, attorney] invited Hal to participate in another business idea... both of which could work out. That's sure hopeful. Meeting with both in the next two weeks... hmmm.

So that's where I've been. Sorry to have dropped out of sight... I can't do two things at once. The reality of Must Have Income Now overtook us and I couldn't focus on anything else. But I'm back, and no longer panicked. Three days around Arenal, in the rainforest, driving over mountains, that puts things in perspective!

That we will come up with something, there is no doubt. They say the best indicator of what a person will do is what they've always done. We've always done fine. Personally, I'd like something pretty and fun. That we can do in Costa Rica. If you could send up a little prayer or white light, however you do it, that would be so lovely. I mean, do you really want to read a blog about life in Gainesville?

Knee-Jerk Reactions

Jacqueline's pistol-whipping break-in, along with everything else I wrote about yesterday, is upsetting our apple cart. Not to mention today's A.M. Costa Rica article about how the I.R.S. is "helping" Costa Rica redefine it's income tax laws. Because, you know, the U.S. is the expert when it comes to owning its citizens. Apparently, Costa Rica sees this as a good thing.

Back in the discussion of the surprise dollar devaluation against the colón, I totally skipped reporting on the inflation rate. El pais [pie-EESE, country] says it's 10%. My pocketbook - and those of other expats - say it's at least 20%. More like 25%. So the $3K/month we live on now will be $3,600 next year. We have yet to find a savings account offering 20%. It's not just me whining. Pensionados living on fixed incomes as well as plenty of other expats are concerned by these facts.

We love Costa Rica, we love our life here, the quality of which is still better than in the U.S. To stay, we'll justify almost anything. Money is not the biggest concern. We have to earn a living. If we can't do it here or an opportunity drives us somewhere else, well, we'll just have to deal with that. But earning a living is like the Cost of Doing Business factor. A fact of life, not an emotional breaking point.

The pistol-whipping break-in of a neighbor and friend is an emotional breaking point. Look at your kids and your old mom and your three goofy dogs and justify that.

I guess my Costa Rica pink cloud phase is over. This particular event has definitely turned our thinking upside-down, if only for the moment. So much so that Hal and I just tippy-toed around The Discussion. You know, the one about moving.

We HATE to see the violence take this turn. If we stay in this house, we need cameras, more plastic roofing material to block anyone seeing into our yard - which has the added benefit of looking Trailer Trashy enough so we don't look really rich, and getting automatic combination locks installed on our doors. We can do all these things and not feel anymore fortress-y than we do now. Our house is VERY secure; J's was not... I could have broken into J's house.

But that's not really the point. We don't mind living in The Fortress. We just don't want to have to defend it...

Our options are to 1) stay here; 2) move out of Escazú to a less-gringo rich area; 3) move to another country; 4) return to the states. Everything has a price. What are we willing to pay - in dollars, sanity, personal safety - in exchange for the best quality of life for our family?

Moving back to the states would make earning a living much easier, just logistics-wise, if nothing else. The U.S. is still familiar territory; until you've experienced culture shock, you won't understand how deeply those ties bind and pull, especially when something scary happens in your foreign home. Still, we are not so naive as to believe if we moved from Costa Rica to Gainesville, we would not seriously doubt our sanity.

A new country is out for now. For starters, starting over would be hell. And expensive. The learning curve is tremendous. Even if English or Spanish were the native tongue, conquering a new land might be fun in a few years, but not yet. Besides: we aren't done here.

Moving out of Escazú is a real possibility. I am definitely going to explore that. As long as my maid will come with me.

And Costa Rica, for all those negatives I mentioned, is still a magically beautiful place peopled by interesting, peaceful... people. I'll bet actual money those robbers were not ticos. If we ran away, we'd be very, very sad.

Honestly, most of my disappointments are brought on by my First World expectations. There are still no mass shootings in malls, schools and churches here. Because SSRIs are not prescribed like candy. It's a fact that the world is more dangerous everywhere. No IRS here. Yet. We don't own property so tax hikes don't affect us.

So... still here. Today. Not taking this lightly at all. Just working to avoid knee jerk reactions while evaluating options and the paying of prices. In the meantime, I'm installing cameras, changing locks. And expanding the Trailer Trash look into the back yard. I am from KY after all. This will make me feel right at home.

Back Down

Ok, this is ridiculous. I'm having a flood of anti-Costa Rica experiences. Maybe if I get them out of my system, this rock in my gut will disappear.

IN THE NEWS. Don Oscar seems hellbent on getting Costa Rica into the 21st century. Only I don't approve of the way he's going about it. I don't know why he didn't think to ask me first, but he didn't.

On the plus side, he's fixing the roads - lots of painting activity, new timed streetlights in downtown San José, spending millions making the center of downtown into a paved walking mall. He is finally replacing the Oh Shit and the Oh My God bridges between Jacó and Quepos. Although I will miss them. Crossing those babies is an adventure worth having all on its own! If you've never driven over them, come now. It's worth the trip.

He has a contract signed to finish a highway between Orotina and the Pacific. He has another to pave the road between Quepos and Dominical, which is now a real gut-wrencher. He's gone around the world begging off on Costa Rica's debt. He's hot to put in the international airport just south of Dominical. He promises to eradicate poverty in 50 years. Some might say he's a dreamer.

On the other hand, he severed ties with Taiwan, a long time very active supporter of Costa Rica, in favor of China over imports and money. Maybe that is better for Costa Rica in the long run, I don't pretend to know. But I wouldn't dump a loyal friend for a better looking richer more powerful murdering thug sort of friend.

He signed CAFTA into law, something else I really don't comprehend. Judging from all the discussions about it, does anyone? But if the U.S. wanted Costa Rica to sign it, experience says it's really only good for the U.S.

He is sending Costa Rica's cops to the School of the Americas - now called Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation (oddly, my browser detected that its security certificate was not in order) and so infamous for its tactics it has its own Watch - for training. Great. Last year, he promised he wouldn't after doing it once, but he's decided they really do need S.W.A.T. training. As my husband likes to point out, when you have a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail.

The U.S. Coast Guard can now bring its vessels into Costa Rica's ports. You know, for the Drug War. Which is being lost on every front by every account. But everyone should keep spending money on it, yes indeedy, and every other country needs to get in on the game. One day, maybe we can imprison and/or kill all the drug users. Then we'll be safe from... temptation.

There's been a rash of bank thefts lately: money taken right out of people's accounts. Flat out stolen and the banks accept no responsibility. No FDIC. They claim account holders have given away their passwords in phishing scams. I could understand one or two dummies. But we're talking about $8M in losses, several different banks. Seems the banks let plenty of money be transferred out of accounts in excess of the daily limits with no notice... Looks to all the rest of us like an inside job.

Speaking of inside jobs: a friend told us his banker called last week to verify that his wife was in L.A. requesting a wire transfer. Huh? Apparently a guy named Rodrigo Areyas had called the bank trying to set up a transfer, saying the wife had requested it. Well, not only was his wife sitting right beside him, who the hell was Rodrigo Areyas? They never found out.

The other REALLY fishy thing was that his account was in a corporation name. One bought from someone else, so his and his wife's names do not appear ANYWHERE on this account. Except on the signature cards. Explain that with phishing.

Yesterday's big news is that Costa Rica's property assessor re-assessed all the properties on the coast and presented tax bills with some whopping increases. Like from $300 a year to $6,600 a year. That'll take some cheer out of the holiday season. Not to mention put a damper on property sales.

It's not so much the money, although $6,600 is a pretty major tax bill, comparable to Key West properties. Our tax bill in north Florida for 10 acres of dirt featuring the world's most poorly constructed mobile home was less than $500 a year. Costa Rica has higher tax bills than Florida? More than the money, it's the fact it happened overnight, with no warning. This is the very thing that scares off extranjeros [x-trahn-HAIR-ohs, foreigners] from buying property in developing nations. Change without warning, insecurity, instability.

Panama is suffering this insecurity as well: their government just reduced, without warning, the tourist visa from 90-days-easily-renewable, to 30 days and you have to apply and be approved for a renewal... If you own property in Panama you intended to visit several months of the year, you'll spend all your time at migración applying for extensions.

So that's all the bad stuff I can think of right now. Oh, wait. Except for this...

I just called my friend Jacqeline to ask her about a volunteer event being held tomorrow. She was pretty much a wreck because she and her family were robbed at gunpoint in her house last night. They live in a big gringo style house right outside Escazú. Her husband, his visiting friend, her 3 year old daughter and her. All home.

The thieves, three guys with guns, police scanners and ski masks, jimmied the pedestrian metal door on her driveway gate, got it open, ran in, threw themselves into her plate glass window, took six laptops (three were broken which gives her some satisfaction), a big screen TV (which they broke getting out of the house which makes her practically gleeful.) And they tied up and pistol whipped her husband and the friend in front of her daughter.

J was at the back door when they broke in the gate. She ran out and climbed over their 10' high fence, dropped into her neighbor's yard, calling the police on her cel phone, got a big gash in her foot along with multiple bruises and scrapes... her neighbors called the cops, too. The cops CAME - which is very good news - got there in about 20 minutes. Not bad on these roads with directions around here: "Turn left at the burned out building..."

The thieves heard the cops were coming on the scanners and left before they could take anything else.

So. This sucks big time. It was one thing when the ladrones just waited for the house to be empty. Now they are armed, mean-spirited and don't give a shit if you are there or not. There were two regulation guys in J's house, but they broke in anyway, ran right past the dogs. I am not liking this one little bit. Not one tiny speck.

To make me feel completely schizo - up down up down up down - we got two boxes today. One from the Bortmans (who, you will remember, deserted us almost exactly a year ago) filled with candy and homemade cards from the kids - very sweet. And one from my dear friend Jan with books, more candy, TRISCUITS, fuzzy socks for me, two wind up Halloween toys and about 100 pairs of socks to give away. Lemme tell ya, candy and fuzzy socks are sure coming in handy right now.

Grabbing 4%

Must be nice to be a government, able to muck around with the money when the mood strikes. Grab a little here, a little there... I would have said "Stealing 4%" but that might sound a little caustic. Slanderous, even.

For instance. Last Thursday - Thanksgiving Day, ironically enough - if I gave someone a dollar, I got 520 colones in return.

Late that same day, without notice, the BCCR (Banco Central de Costa Rica) quietly revalued the colón in an attempt to gloss over Costa Rica's runaway inflation. When we woke up Friday morning, if we gave someone a dollar we only got 497 colones for it. Basically, a loss of 4% or 4¢ on a dollar. Nothing to really cry over when you are talking $1.

When you are talking $60,000 held in a CD to qualify for a residency visa... well, you want to sob and wail. To keen relentlessly. Overnight, while they slept, people who had their residency money in a Costa Rican bank (we don't, thank you very much) turned over $2,400 to the BCCR. "BAM!" as Emeril would say. To be used for the good of the people, I'm sure. Still... couldn't they have asked?

Since sobbing and wailing wouldn't get it back, my friends bit the bullet, took the loss, put the money in a colón CD making 6.6%. Add that to the interest they made on the dollar CD and in a year they will come out slightly ahead. PLUS: when the Central Bank does this again, which they most assuredly will to the tune of another 4% or even 5%, my friends will make that on their colones.

I love rationalization. Makes everything tidy.

The people this hurts most are those who have dollars intending to spend them as colones. Like expats. Like current and future tourists. If you are coming to Costa Rica, everything you do, eat, buy, visit will cost you 4% more. Again, not a significant sum. Unless you are staying at Xandari Resort or Los Suenos... In real money, if you spend $3,000 in-country, your trip will only cost you $120 more. Today.

If you are coming more than three months from now and the colón happens to be re-valued between now and then, it might be worth flying here asap on one of those $16 round-trip Spirit flights and loading up on some colones...

This move also hurts my tica landlord. Since we pay rent in dollars, she will take a 4% hit every month when she goes to spend those dollars. Unless she holds onto them and spends them in the states where they are still worth... well, whatever they are worth.

On the plus side for us (there I go again), since we aren't changing rent dollars into colones, we aren't losing that 4%. That's $40 a month we get to keep, enough to pay the cable and cel phone. There's some comfort in that.

In the Big Picture, the colón is still pretty worthless. The fact that the dollar has been devalued against it is startling news. Historic, in fact. For nearly 100 years, the dollar has been more valuable than just about everything. When we first got here, we got 480 colones for a dollar. The ₡480 steadily increased to the ₡520, meaning I got more and more colones for every dollar I spent. Nice.

October 2006, the BCCR decided to "float" the colón. I have no idea what this really means, but, in practical terms, it meant the colon no longer lost value. Basically, it froze at around ₡517. While I stopped getting more and more colones, I wasn't getting less.

Until now. To have a developing nation devalue the dollar against it's coin of the realm is unprecedented. I take it as a downward indicator for the dollar, frankly. TicoGrande says the dollar will never collapse. That I've been reading "too much left-wing silliness." What a goose - I only read murder mysteries!!! But I bet him $5, er, ₡2,485 that it would.

Meanwhile, inflation in Costa Rica, estimated at 12%, is eating away at your pocketbook no matter what currency you carry. Eggs cost 70¢ a pound January '06; today they cost $1. Still 35% less than in the states, despite the U.S. being all proud of its 3.5% inflation, so I guess I will try not to whine. Too much.

If you are now in colones, you are now looking forward to the next devaluation of the dollar against the colón. Rubbing your hands together like Scrooge... yessiree, take that 4%. Beats the heck out of just having it grabbed in the night.

Blood Work

I've been using my lifesaving bio-identical hormone cream every night for 10 years now. Lately it feels a little off and, since I've never had any blood work done to see if the dosage was just right, I thought, "Why not have it done in Costa Rica?" You know, where's it's cheap.

My doctora [doke-TORE-ah, female doctor] told me to have the tests done and bring in the results. She recommended a lab, said I should request the Anti-Aging Workup. I'm liking the sound of this already. I go to the lab, the clerk prints up the Anti-Aging Workup with prices, tells me not to eat for 12 hours before the test and she'll see me in the morning.

This is all in Spanish, by the way. Oh yeah, I'm practically fluent. Ok, not quite. Actually, when I know the topic, if I can catch a couple of words in the sentences coming at me, I can usually work it out.

It's not until you are finally comfortable going into any store, vet, bank, wherever, that you realize just how intimidated you used to be by not knowing the language. There were days in the beginning when we didn't even leave the house because it was all just too hard. We couldn't ask directions. We couldn't read the signs. We'd get into a store and realize we didn't know the word for fingernail clippers...

But not now. Cortauñas (fingernail clippers in Spanish). Now it's fun: I know I'll eventually be understood. Or not. If I get lost, I'll find my way back. If all else fails, I can call Ryan who IS practically fluent and he tells me what to say in his beautiful tico accent. But, today, so far, I'm doing good here in the lab...

So good, I can understand the price. I almost faint. HA. Seems I've stumbled onto the area of Costa Rica medical care that is not that cheap. The 20 different anti-aging tests I need cost a whopping $450. Wow. I'm so old I need expensive blood tests. Like:

• TGO Y TGP (something about uric acid and the liver, could not find a compatible link in English)
• FOSFATASA ALCALINA Alkaline Phosphatase
• CORTISOL
• CREATININA Creatinine
• PROTEINA C REACTIVA C-Reactive Protein
• DHEA-SO4
• ESTRADIOL One of the three estrogens
• FSH For the big hormone picture
• GLICEMIA AYUNAS or Fasting Glucose
• HOMOCISTEINA or Homocysteine
• INSULINA AYUNAS or Fasting Insulin
• T4 Thyroid
• LIPIDOS or Cholestrols & Triglycerides
• PROGESTERONA Progesterone, the serenity hormone
• HEMOGRAMA COMPLETO Complete Blood Count
• T3 LIBRE Thyroid
• TESTOSTERONA TOTAL y LIBRE Testosterone, the sex hormone
• TSH Thyroid
• IGF-1 Growth factor

I thought $450 was a bit much so I spent a week going to four different labs, comparing prices. The first one, Laboratorios Labin, was the $450. The second was a tiny little lab in the village of old Escazú. Very unassuming, not that clean-looking, totally NOT impressive at all. But cheap: $300 and if I paid cash, I'd get a 15% discount. A friend of mine uses this lab and swears by them, but they couldn't do the IGF-1... I'm sorta relieved.

NOTE: Always ask for a discount for cash. You'll always get 5% and most often 10%. Always ask. Even my dentist gives it.

Clinica Biblica was the most expensive at $512 - I thought they'd be less. I settled on Echandi Labs for $400 with a 10% discount on top of that, so $360. They are a chain, very modern office, efficient, knowledgeable, came highly recommended. I went this morning, will get the results Monday, see la doctora Tuesday ($50), all fixed up by Wednesday night, sane for Thanksgiving. The boys will be grateful.

I'd like to know how much this blood work-up costs in the states so I can either gloat or cry. But it's not that easy to find out. In the states you don't just walk into a lab and say "How much to measure my estrogen?" They'll need to see a prescription first, and you don't get to see the results. Oh no. Those are private and complicated.

Here, you get all the test results and you are actually trusted to take them to your doctor. Or not. We have a whole stack of x-ray film and photos of our colons with our fingerprints all over them. In fact, I can call any lab or doctor and have any test I want. Just for fun. I could waltz in tomorrow to CIMA Hospital and have an MRI for $400. I won't... I've already spent my $400 this week (blood tests and some bagels). But I could. Thatsa nice.