A Broad In Costa Rica

Yes We Can.

Still hugely political these days. If you are on Facebook with me, you are sick to death of my links to all kinda political goings on. I thought it was a phase but, like the autism rabbit hole, I'm still down with it. One of my all-time favorite rabbit holes is the war on drugs. Hal and I co-wrote a letter to the Key West Citizen in 1994:

"Letter to the Editor
Thursday, January 20, 1994

I am writing to question the logic of your editorial of Dec. 30 urging the continued prohibition of drugs. You implied that you believe the "war on drugs" has been successful. Further, in light of this wild success, the way to deal with alcohol and tobacco abuse would be to prohibit their use and start a "war on smokers and booze."

We tried alcohol prohibition in the 1920s and '30s. It caused more crime, violence, corruption, and death than the American people were willing to put up with. Our tolerance for crime, violence, corruption and death has increased since then, otherwise we would have abandoned our prohibition of drugs long ago.

There is no evidence to show there are more alcoholics without prohibition than there would be with it. Prohibionists see a tiny minority of people with a disease and insist that we all take the cure. The price of the cure has become too high.

Your claim that legalized drugs may increase one's chances of becoming an addict is also unsupported by any evidence. On the contrary, legalized drugs would prevent many more, equally tragic events from continuing to happen, events such as:

• Accidental injury or death of innocent bystanders in disputed drug deals.
• The death of drug users poisoned by poor quality street drugs.
• Loss of life or property to a desperate addict who must steal because he can't afford the price of forbidden drugs with an ordinary job.
• Random searches and seizure of property belonging to innocent citizens.
• Corruption of our law enforcement establishment by drug money.
• The waste of billions of tax dollars on the capture, trial and imprisonment of harmless and otherwise law-abiding drug users.
• The slaughter of a generation of young men in gang wars over illegal drug markets.

The war on drugs is a war against the American people. Right or wrong, prohibition does more harm than good. It is tearing our country apart socially and financially, as it did in the 1920s and '30s.

There is a widespread agreement that ending alcohol prohibition was a good idea. The time has come to end drug prohibition as well. Not because we support drug use, but because we can no longer afford the crime, violence, corruption and death that prohibition has spawned."

Good letter, eh? Surprisingly, it did not end the war on drugs. NORML is still chipping away at it, thank goodness. I even send them money - I support all my causes with $10 a year. I figure a pittance is better than nothing. Which is about what I have left... Anyway.

NORML recently held a contest for a TV ad. The winner did an incredible job. Witness:

Love it. See the other three prize-winning ads here.

We are in the states, drooling over unbroken pavement. We are so easy to impress. More soon, love & peace.

Back Down

Ok, this is ridiculous. I'm having a flood of anti-Costa Rica experiences. Maybe if I get them out of my system, this rock in my gut will disappear.

IN THE NEWS. Don Oscar seems hellbent on getting Costa Rica into the 21st century. Only I don't approve of the way he's going about it. I don't know why he didn't think to ask me first, but he didn't.

On the plus side, he's fixing the roads - lots of painting activity, new timed streetlights in downtown San José, spending millions making the center of downtown into a paved walking mall. He is finally replacing the Oh Shit and the Oh My God bridges between Jacó and Quepos. Although I will miss them. Crossing those babies is an adventure worth having all on its own! If you've never driven over them, come now. It's worth the trip.

He has a contract signed to finish a highway between Orotina and the Pacific. He has another to pave the road between Quepos and Dominical, which is now a real gut-wrencher. He's gone around the world begging off on Costa Rica's debt. He's hot to put in the international airport just south of Dominical. He promises to eradicate poverty in 50 years. Some might say he's a dreamer.

On the other hand, he severed ties with Taiwan, a long time very active supporter of Costa Rica, in favor of China over imports and money. Maybe that is better for Costa Rica in the long run, I don't pretend to know. But I wouldn't dump a loyal friend for a better looking richer more powerful murdering thug sort of friend.

He signed CAFTA into law, something else I really don't comprehend. Judging from all the discussions about it, does anyone? But if the U.S. wanted Costa Rica to sign it, experience says it's really only good for the U.S.

He is sending Costa Rica's cops to the School of the Americas - now called Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation (oddly, my browser detected that its security certificate was not in order) and so infamous for its tactics it has its own Watch - for training. Great. Last year, he promised he wouldn't after doing it once, but he's decided they really do need S.W.A.T. training. As my husband likes to point out, when you have a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail.

The U.S. Coast Guard can now bring its vessels into Costa Rica's ports. You know, for the Drug War. Which is being lost on every front by every account. But everyone should keep spending money on it, yes indeedy, and every other country needs to get in on the game. One day, maybe we can imprison and/or kill all the drug users. Then we'll be safe from... temptation.

There's been a rash of bank thefts lately: money taken right out of people's accounts. Flat out stolen and the banks accept no responsibility. No FDIC. They claim account holders have given away their passwords in phishing scams. I could understand one or two dummies. But we're talking about $8M in losses, several different banks. Seems the banks let plenty of money be transferred out of accounts in excess of the daily limits with no notice... Looks to all the rest of us like an inside job.

Speaking of inside jobs: a friend told us his banker called last week to verify that his wife was in L.A. requesting a wire transfer. Huh? Apparently a guy named Rodrigo Areyas had called the bank trying to set up a transfer, saying the wife had requested it. Well, not only was his wife sitting right beside him, who the hell was Rodrigo Areyas? They never found out.

The other REALLY fishy thing was that his account was in a corporation name. One bought from someone else, so his and his wife's names do not appear ANYWHERE on this account. Except on the signature cards. Explain that with phishing.

Yesterday's big news is that Costa Rica's property assessor re-assessed all the properties on the coast and presented tax bills with some whopping increases. Like from $300 a year to $6,600 a year. That'll take some cheer out of the holiday season. Not to mention put a damper on property sales.

It's not so much the money, although $6,600 is a pretty major tax bill, comparable to Key West properties. Our tax bill in north Florida for 10 acres of dirt featuring the world's most poorly constructed mobile home was less than $500 a year. Costa Rica has higher tax bills than Florida? More than the money, it's the fact it happened overnight, with no warning. This is the very thing that scares off extranjeros [x-trahn-HAIR-ohs, foreigners] from buying property in developing nations. Change without warning, insecurity, instability.

Panama is suffering this insecurity as well: their government just reduced, without warning, the tourist visa from 90-days-easily-renewable, to 30 days and you have to apply and be approved for a renewal... If you own property in Panama you intended to visit several months of the year, you'll spend all your time at migración applying for extensions.

So that's all the bad stuff I can think of right now. Oh, wait. Except for this...

I just called my friend Jacqeline to ask her about a volunteer event being held tomorrow. She was pretty much a wreck because she and her family were robbed at gunpoint in her house last night. They live in a big gringo style house right outside Escazú. Her husband, his visiting friend, her 3 year old daughter and her. All home.

The thieves, three guys with guns, police scanners and ski masks, jimmied the pedestrian metal door on her driveway gate, got it open, ran in, threw themselves into her plate glass window, took six laptops (three were broken which gives her some satisfaction), a big screen TV (which they broke getting out of the house which makes her practically gleeful.) And they tied up and pistol whipped her husband and the friend in front of her daughter.

J was at the back door when they broke in the gate. She ran out and climbed over their 10' high fence, dropped into her neighbor's yard, calling the police on her cel phone, got a big gash in her foot along with multiple bruises and scrapes... her neighbors called the cops, too. The cops CAME - which is very good news - got there in about 20 minutes. Not bad on these roads with directions around here: "Turn left at the burned out building..."

The thieves heard the cops were coming on the scanners and left before they could take anything else.

So. This sucks big time. It was one thing when the ladrones just waited for the house to be empty. Now they are armed, mean-spirited and don't give a shit if you are there or not. There were two regulation guys in J's house, but they broke in anyway, ran right past the dogs. I am not liking this one little bit. Not one tiny speck.

To make me feel completely schizo - up down up down up down - we got two boxes today. One from the Bortmans (who, you will remember, deserted us almost exactly a year ago) filled with candy and homemade cards from the kids - very sweet. And one from my dear friend Jan with books, more candy, TRISCUITS, fuzzy socks for me, two wind up Halloween toys and about 100 pairs of socks to give away. Lemme tell ya, candy and fuzzy socks are sure coming in handy right now.

The Bad News Just Keeps Rollin' In

Saturday morning, 8am, checking my email with the CBS News on... so far, a young man fell thru a hole in the ice while snowboarding and they can't find him, another guy was caught trying to kidnap two young boys ('cause he saw how well it worked out for the other guy?), a travel company went out of business losing all the money for a school trip. A Catch Me If You Can wanna be just got sentenced to 303 years in prison. And, of course, ho hum, more people dead in Iraq.

Now, I'm watching that commercial for the used car dealer with the good-looking, reasonable IRS agents. Aren't there truth-in-advertising laws anymore?

I switched to NBC thinking maybe CBS just had a depressed News Director selecting the stories this morning. Nope. NBC was doing an indepth report on the homeless in Denver with a guy crying actual tears because the situation is so desperate, kids not eating and all. Now the news anchors are chuckling over unintended skylights in upstate New York. People are losing their roofs because of the 100" of snow that's fallen there over 7 days. Not funny, guys. You get my Not the-least-Bit Compassionate vote.

A Muslim on the Terror Watch List was arrested while D.U.I. Aren't Muslims forbidden to drink? I mean, how much of a "fanatic" could this guy be?

Switching to ABC just in time for the only happy news: sports. Oh, no, wait: they are replaying over and over an ice skater whipping his skate into his partner's head, her laying on the ice sobbing. I've seen it from every angle now. Good. That should stay with me.

Back to CBS just in time to see them bragging about their hidden-camera interview of so-called abusers of the Medical Marijuana law. Get a life, guys. Who cares? Let 'em smoke dope. Who are they hurting? And what? There's no REAL news, you have to create some? I guess it's somehow fitting that they stole the reverse-sting idea from the DEA...

Which brings me to today's REAL question: what constitutes news? What do we need to know to keep on top of what's happening in our world? I'm so confused after years of this brainwashing, I really don't know. Yet. What I'm watching this morning is the most sensational news presented in the most sensationalized manner. Designed to grab your attention, appeal to the "I can't look away" in all of us... so you are still watching when the advertiser comes on. Like the used car guy.

Here's today's scarier question: is this what U.S. citizens want to see? It must be. Tell me it isn't so. Tell me this is what the networks think we want to see. That we really just want to see the facts. Even if it isn't true. Lie to me.

News in Costa Rica, like in most developing nations, is no better. On the news here, you witness every bloody, violent detail of car wrecks, dog attacks, you name it. I appreciate that there's no false modesty or pretense involved. Certainly no hidden-cameras creating news here. Yet.

My choice for news weekday mornings is CNBC. I don't understand most of it, but there are lots of colors and charts and cheerful anchors and CEOs talking about stock performances and ROIs. Correspondents shouting over the hoopla On The Floor. All happy, happy people. Stocks are exciting again. Sure, everyone refers to the certain correction coming right along, but they're having so much fun until then. Besides, if you are prepared for a correction, it won't hurt badly, right? Hey, it's only a timely correction, expected and all that. I want some of that glee. I'm going to CNBC right now. This newsday could use a reboot!

Emancipation Day

Uncle Brian is Hal's baby brother by seven years. Too far apart in age to hang out during their formative years, they now enjoy each other's company immensely. When they work on a project together, like the treehouse at the farm, they refer to themselves as H&B Construction. H&B doesn't stand for Hal & Brian. It stands for Heavy & Bald. Who's who, inquiring minds want to know?

Uncle Brian and his wife, Ain't Peg, moved to Key West 5 years ago. Our lives have been richer for it. We love them so much, think so highly of them, in fact, that if something tragic happens to Hal and me, they get the boys. Sometimes we threaten to fake our own deaths just to torment them.

The hardest part of moving away from Key West was losing our daily contact with Brian and Peg. We miss them.

Brian is the bad boy version of Hal. So bad, in fact, that 20 years ago, he Went Away To College for 2 hellacious years for selling wacky powder. Bad, bad boy. A big tough gruff bad boy, at that. Trust me, nobody made Brian his bitch. He does have some pretty funny stories about working in the tomato fields and he really did have to say "Yes, Sir, Mr. Boss."

Two years growing tomatoes for the great state of Texas was not quite enough punishment though. So, in its desire to punish him thoroughly, he also got 18 years probation. Eighteen years seeing a babysitter once a month - at $150 a date - for selling recreational drugs to adults. Don't get me started. Child molesters don't get this.

July 17th was day 7300 of his punishment, the last day, Emancipation Day. I was in Key West for this occasion, so Peg and I took UB out to dinner at Ambrosia. Then... where? How to celebrate... Movie? No. Play? No. Bar? Nah. Maybe later. Strip joint? OK.

I had never been to a strip joint, Peg had been once years ago, but never in Key West. We settled on the Red Garter. When I had my aerobics studio back in the early 80's, plenty of my students were strippers. I mean dancers. And my friend, June Keith, worked at the Esquire waaaaaay back in the day. So I knew what they did. Or were supposed to do. Maybe just used to do...

'Cause there was no stripping going on. You sit right next to the stage on a bar stool. The music starts, the woman hops up on the stage, drops her skimpy outfit, nothing on but the required shoes and a garter... and starts to, um, dance. I use the term loosely. There is movement, quite a bit of movement, but more gymnastic in nature than dance.

These girls are not shy. Gypsy Rose Lee would have been appalled. Sexy this was not.

Although, Peaches, our first girl was a stunner: tall, black, a big girl... UB said she was a linebacker during the day. Not fat, oh no. Tall, thighs and legs for days. Talk about your great butts. I wouldn't mind having a big butt if mine looked like hers.

The "dance floor" featured a pole. Apparently Peaches took that class. She could turn her great big self upside down on that thing, do a whole hands-free gymnastic routine, slide down... fascinating. She could have been in Cirque du Soleil but I'll bet the money is better at the Red Garter.

Fortunately, UB had plenty of singles. Clearly he's done this before. When Peaches sees you holding up cash, she crawls right over, rubs her face against yours, practically gets in your lap, then takes the bill or presents her garter for the tip(s).

Just for fun (his), UB hands me a bill. So, ok, this is for him, right? I hold it up, Peaches scoots over - I can hardly look. She places her hands on the bar on either side of me and goes in for the rub. I blush and suggest that perhaps she just take the bill. She shakes her head no, takes the bill, folds it twice and commands that I hold it in my teeth. I do and squeeze my eyes shut. She very delicately covers my whole skinny little white-girl mouth with her delicious black one. Not wet, just all soft and kinda weird. But hot. If you can forget about where you are...

We stay for two more songs and two more girls and get our fill of stripping. Nobody fires an apple across the room or hides a quarter. It is incredibly fascinating and boring all at the same time. Save for my memorable Peaches' moment.

Life is back to normal for UB. Work, play, Ain't Peg. Emancipated life is absolutely everything it's cracked up to be. Although he can never vote again, can't own a gun, can't become a resident in a score of countries. UB is an asset to Key West, to his family, a kind, generous, thoughtful person. The man is not a criminal, but he will always wear the badge. Complements of America, land of the free. Don't get me started.

Birthday Wish List

Next Thursday is my birthday. I'm a Libra. Libras are the beautiful and just people in the world, for those of you who do not know me. Please, don't send presents. (If you must, please don't spend over $50.) Or money. It will just get lost in the international two-step. Take yourself to dinner and then tell me all about it, that would make me happy! Here's what I really want:

1. An end to the war in Iraq. Yes, just walk away. We inflict less damage by staying?

2. An end to the drug war. Don't even get me started on this ridiculous endeavor. Let adults sell drugs to adults, let adults get addicted if they want. They are probably control freaks anyway and it's their only hope of getting into a good 12-step program. Besides, it's their choice.

The only crime that comes from a drug war was created because it's illegal and therefore ridiculously expensive. If you can buy cocaine for $2/pop at Walgreens, you don't need to break into someone's house to steal their ipod for a fix. And crack would be history.

I SAID don't get me started. But since you have, check out how much we spend fighting the WOD... putting consenting adults in jail, building and staffing (and pensioning) said jails, lawyers, judges, courthouses, the DEA, entire bureaucracies created and staffed (and pensioned) to keep people over 21 from using and selling drugs to each other... Your tax dollar at work.

3. Have Bush's resignation on my desk by 9am tomorrow morning. (Make sure you wait for the "Have" link to fully load... enjoy the tune!) (The two periods are links also.)

See? I don't want much.

Oh, Goody!

This from today's A.M. Costa Rica:

"President Óscar Arias Sánchez swears in an estimated 110 'presidential delegates' from all over the country. They were in training Wednesday in San José and will be the eyes and ears of the government in their home areas to provide information over the problems that face their neighbors, said Casa Presidencial."

A government can't have too many eyes and ears, can it?

Love This Kinda Thing

This from today's A.M. Costa Rica:

"The United States says efforts to help Colombia eradicate the coca crop are working, despite a 26 percent increase in coca cultivation areas from 2004 to 2005."

Priceless.